Dadblog

My latest Financial Hypochondriac column is up at Guardian Unlimited, this time on trying to apply Warren Buffett’s folksy investing policy in the UK.

There is now scientific proof that the 90s - in which I got married, had children, and witnessed open-mouthed as Britain suddenly got into rock music because Radio 1 decided to shake things up - were the best, brightest decade ever:

Tracking the brightness of Earth by looking at its reflection on the Moon, scientists have concluded that sunshine on Earth brightened in the 1990’s, then dimmed after 2000.

The findings, being reported today in the journal Science, add a new level of mystery to the recent debate about “global dimming” and its causes. Measurements by ground-based instruments around the world have shown a decrease of up to 10 percent in sunlight from the late 1950’s to the early 1990’s.

It’s obvious why the earth brightened in the 90s - my son was born in 1992, and my daughter in 1996. The two of them lit up the whole planet. It’s not rocket science, is it?

Martin at Currybet.net has been inducted into the BBC, and it sounds really interesting. His idea for canine radio shows is worthy of the price of admission alone. Why can’t every company be like the BBC, at least in a small way? That’s a rhetorical question, BTW.

Normally, artist websites are bollocks: too tricksy, too shallow, too corporate, too pretentious, too Flashy. Simple Kid’s website is sort of all these, and yet somehow still quite good. How can this be? Warning - Flashtastic danger zone.

I made a key decision this morning - life is just too short to try and like Buena Vista Music Club. From now on, if it isn’t buzzing after three plays, it isn’t gonna buzz.

From the All Music Guide to Morrissey:

Tones: Insular, Brooding, Angst-Ridden, Cathartic, Cynical/Sarcastic, Wry, Ironic, Literate, Stylish, Intimate, Restrained, Provocative, Poignant, Refined/Mannered, Wintry, Gloomy, Sad, Plaintive, Melancholy, Detached, Theatrical, Wistful

Do you think they have a taxonomy based on those words?

I say again - when did Britain suddenly become the digital place:

Professor Lawrence Lessig, chair of the Creative Commons project was clearly excited: “The announcement by the BBC of its intent to develop a Creative Archive has been the single most important event in getting people to understand the potential for digital creativity, and to see how such potential actually supports artists and artistic creativity.” He went to enthuse “If the vision proves a reality, Britain will become a centre for digital creativity, and will drive the many markets – in broadband deployment and technology – that digital creativity will support.”

Paul Gerhardt, Joint Director, BBC Creative Archive explains: “We want to work in partnership with other broadcasters and public sector organisations to create a public and legal domain of audio visual material for the benefit of everyone in the UK.” Those attending today’s meeting included Channel 4; the British Film Institute; the British Library; ITN; JISC; The National Archives; the Natural History Museum; the Museums, Libraries & Archives Council; senior figures from the independent production industry; BBC Worldwide. The BBC plans to keep those attending abreast of the project, while encouraging them to follow the same route to opening their own archives.

See original (courtesy of BoingBoing).

So, MPs are now worried that children are getting fat. In fact, they’re getting so fat that they might die, or explode, or something. Everywhere you look there are children rolling blubberly down streets, their legs withered and died through lack of use, their cheeks wobbling like jellies in the wind.

And we all know who’s to blame for this, don’t we? Why, the government, of course. And “big corporations” as well. In a fantastically paranoid lead story today, the Guardian talks about food giants using “viral marketing” and “underground communication” to persuade children to buy things like Fruit Winders. They’re poisoning us! It’s all a gigantic conspiracy!

But, as anyone with a child in a state school knows, the problem starts at home and at school. Let’s face it - only a freakishly poorly-fed child eats at McDonalds more than once, or at a stretch maybe twice, a week. Their eating habits are dictated by their home and by their school, where they eat five lunches a week. And let me tell you, what they eat isn’t pretty. Home eating is dictated by convenience and speed, so it’s oven chips and processed chicken nuggets for you, matey. And that’s a choice that parents make. Many parents worry incessantly about what their children eat, ensuring fruit after every meal and vegetables with everything. But they’re those nice little middle-class people who worry about everything (I’m one of them) - the vast bulk of the population doesn’t care about children, and doesn’t care about food. ‘Twas ever thus. They’re too busy watching football and drinking.

But the real disgrace is the schools. My son goes to a well-funded state school with excellent discipline, educational support and results. But its canteen is a bloody nightmare. He only eats one of two things: frozen pizza, or a burger. With chips. There is no fresh food option that he’s been able to find. And it’s expensive, more expensive than McDonalds for a burger and fries. And everywhere you go, in every corridor, there’s a vending machine selling fizzy drinks and chocolate. These kids are eating sugar and fat from the moment they go into school.

So, yes, shout at the government (but shout at Charles Clarke, not Tessa Jowell, you misogynist right-wing hacks, you). But shout at your school, your local education authority, and your neighbour (not to mention yourself). McDonalds and Nestle and Tesco may all be wicked organisations - but they’re not the main reason our kids are fat.

This from Newsday; if true, things have descended, almost without us being aware of it, into the very depths.

BAGHDAD, Iraq — U.S. troops wanted Jeanan Moayad’s father. When they couldn’t find him, they took her husband in his place.

In a little-noticed development amid Iraq’s prison abuse scandal, the U.S. military is holding dozens of Iraqis as bargaining chips to put pressure on their wanted relatives to surrender, according to human rights groups. These detainees are not accused of any crimes, and experts say their detention violates the Geneva Conventions and other international laws. The practice also risks associating the United States with the tactics of countries that it has long criticized for arbitrary arrests.

Courtesy of BoingBoing. I’d like to thank them for this, but who wants to thank people for shitty news?

I’m sooo confused. First there was the news that Dr Who was coming back. Then there was the news that Christopher Ecclestone was playing him. Now there’s the news that Billie Piper is playing is assistant.

Is any of this good news? Is any of this actually real news? If Dr Who’s coming back, it’s not going to be any good, is it? Because it’s 14 years old - that’s a Dr Who viewer generation - and they’ll make it work for, you know, the kids, and all us grumpy middle-aged men will complain that it was better with Jon Pertwee and the yellow car. And then it’ll get really low viewing figures, because everyone wants to watch Hell’s Kitchen or something, and they don’t offer telephone voting on Dr Who (”dial 1 if you want to see Davros burn, or 2 if you’d like him to drown”).

As Harrison Ford so memorably said (remember him, Dr Who fans?): I’ve got a bad feeling about this.