Dadblog

<Grumpy Old Man mode on>

Have you noticed, well have you, the growing illiteracy of advertising catchphrases? They’ve been crowding in on me for some time, and I very much blame the Americans, who have perfected a species of advertising phraseology which has removed all meaning from the language.

I’m not talking about advertising phrases which are deliberately nonsensical or outright false in their claims - things like 8 out of 10 Cats Prefer It, or my current favourite, the 2007 Hair Dandruff Product Of The Year, the result of a spurious survey which tells you nothing about how many Hair Dandruff Products were entered. I’m not even talking about the deliberately, breathtakingly schmaltzy - such as the old EDS ad which featured a plane being constructed, and ended “We’re not just building a plane here, we’re building a dream.”

No, I’m talking about phrases which actually suck all meaning out of the language, which are not just grammatically or linguistically wrong, but which seem to unpick hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution to render linguistic symbols entirely redundant.

Phrases like “come fly the friendly skies.” I mean, what on earth does that mean. Firstly, you can’t fly a sky. In the words of the crows in Dumbo, I seen a house fly, but I never seen a sky fly. And then, how can skies be friendly. I mean, a poet could probably create imagery which might make that possible, but by making said skies the object of the verb “fly” my patience with the attempted imagery is at an end.

Another one: “drive your way.” What the hell??? Does that mean “drive in the way you like to drive”? Or does it mean “drive the street which has been given the name ‘way’”?

Another one: “your world. delivered.” Why would I want my “world” delivered? What is my world, anyway?

And H&R Block’s “you got people.” Yes, and you got CJD, morons.

I’m sure there’s many, many more. You know, I’m just going to keep adding them to this post. And if anyone’s got a logon to this, let me know. I’m sure there’s some rich pickings in there.

But finally, the catalyst for this post. Whatever you think about religion, you can’t deny the deep heritage and sense of service contained within the institution of the Salvation Army. Just up the road from me is William Booth College, a huge dark building designed by Sir Giles Gilbert Scott, the man who bought you the Bankside power station (now the Tate Modern), Battersea Power Station and the red telephone box. It’s a monument to a certain attitude to dignity and public service personified by the Salvation Army.

They’ve just put up a new board with a new tagline for the college on it.

“William Booth College. Because there’s a hurting world.”

So, shall we have an interesting gnostic discussion about whether the world is being hurt or doing the hurting? No, I didn’t think so…..

<Grumpy Old Man mode off>

The growing collection:

• The Jeep Patriot: It figures
• The new Dell internal slogan: One Company, One Brand, One Beat.